Unconditional positive regard is acceptance and caring extended simply because the person is a human being. Religions have traditionally urged individuals to adopt this attitude, but we all recognize how difficult it is to actually adopt .E.g. parents value their children, b
ut if a boy leaves his in a mess, it is very tough to love the child in spite of his unacceptable behaviour. It is possible for people to show unconditional positive regard to people based on the actions that they approve of.
Conditional positive regard is acceptance and caring given to a person only for meeting certain standards of behaviour. E.g. If a child studies regularly then his mother praises him and is happy with him. But if a child breaks an expensive showpiece while playing at home, his mother will scold him.
We find that regard of such sort is given in schools for a good performance or at work. Peer pressure is an example of such forces in operation. In some cases people grow up thinking that it is their self and not their behaviour that is unacceptable. When people show conditional positive regard to an individual constantly, and if that individual does something unacceptable by others, they start scorning. The individual feels that if he does something improper it makes him bad or intolerable.
When too much conditional positive regard is given, it undercuts the person’s sense of self.
In my case, I had often come across times when I was given conditional positive regard in school. During middle school, if I did good job in my work I would be accepted by my other classmates and teachers, but if I did something stupid or silly by mistake I would suddenly this strong sense of rejection and spite. As I was almost a social reject when I was really young I would do everything possible that would help me get friends. Sometimes I would do things that would impress my friends but those things were often ridiculous and stupid. E.g. I would act all crazy in front of friends because they found me funny. My teachers reported about my absurd behaviour to my parents. My parents made me realize true friends are those who accept you for what you are and not some ridiculous acts that would impress them. It took me quite some time to seep that in my mind. Now I have friends who show me unconditional positive regard no matter how I am or what I do. It is a very rare case that arises when they might show conditional positive regard.
My parents balance the way they show their positive regards towards me. If I perform horribly in my exams or do something inappropriate they get really angry but at the same time they overshadow their scolding by saying there always a next time. I know that my parents show me unconditional positive regard (affection) most of time and I respect it.
ut if a boy leaves his in a mess, it is very tough to love the child in spite of his unacceptable behaviour. It is possible for people to show unconditional positive regard to people based on the actions that they approve of.Conditional positive regard is acceptance and caring given to a person only for meeting certain standards of behaviour. E.g. If a child studies regularly then his mother praises him and is happy with him. But if a child breaks an expensive showpiece while playing at home, his mother will scold him.
We find that regard of such sort is given in schools for a good performance or at work. Peer pressure is an example of such forces in operation. In some cases people grow up thinking that it is their self and not their behaviour that is unacceptable. When people show conditional positive regard to an individual constantly, and if that individual does something unacceptable by others, they start scorning. The individual feels that if he does something improper it makes him bad or intolerable.
When too much conditional positive regard is given, it undercuts the person’s sense of self.
In my case, I had often come across times when I was given conditional positive regard in school. During middle school, if I did good job in my work I would be accepted by my other classmates and teachers, but if I did something stupid or silly by mistake I would suddenly this strong sense of rejection and spite. As I was almost a social reject when I was really young I would do everything possible that would help me get friends. Sometimes I would do things that would impress my friends but those things were often ridiculous and stupid. E.g. I would act all crazy in front of friends because they found me funny. My teachers reported about my absurd behaviour to my parents. My parents made me realize true friends are those who accept you for what you are and not some ridiculous acts that would impress them. It took me quite some time to seep that in my mind. Now I have friends who show me unconditional positive regard no matter how I am or what I do. It is a very rare case that arises when they might show conditional positive regard.
My parents balance the way they show their positive regards towards me. If I perform horribly in my exams or do something inappropriate they get really angry but at the same time they overshadow their scolding by saying there always a next time. I know that my parents show me unconditional positive regard (affection) most of time and I respect it.
Sources cited-
Glassman, William, and Marilyn Hadad. Approaches to Psychology. 4thPictures
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